do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
