New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have aggressive nipples.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
