I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just googled if crying burns calories
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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