I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
