I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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