It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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