just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
