Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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