at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
