Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
