Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
