my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
