I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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