Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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