he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize