The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
