Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
