So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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