I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
