dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
