So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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