I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
