I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you didnt know i had herpes?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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