I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
