yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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