the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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