Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
