I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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