I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
