If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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