please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
