by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
