At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize