I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
