vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
