you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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