How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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