even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize