Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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