We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
