Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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