Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
