So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
