Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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