mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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