after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
