I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize