Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
