i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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