I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
