the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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