the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
