btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
