Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
