i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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