like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
