based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize