You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
