Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
