It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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