Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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