If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
