If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
