I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
