You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
