And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
